Meet RoB Robinson

• "Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."   -   James 1:12

• Rob Robinson, the founder of Freedom For Men Ministry, has been a Christian since 1977. He began teaching, training, and mentoring men individually, in small and large groups, as a deputy sheriff and training officer with Los Angeles County in 1983. He has also walked in the shoes of the men he is currently helping. Upon his retirement from Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department in 2017, Rob decided to use his mentoring skills to help men walk away from their addiction to pornography and the feelings of shame and guilt that accompany it. Rob has walked men of all ages, races, and occupations through various Biblically-based curriculums, helping them accept the healing God wants to do in their lives so they can become the men, husbands, and fathers God has created them to be.
  
• Rob has been married to his wonderful wife, Dr. Sandy Robinson, for over 32 years, is the father to two incredible daughters and a grandfather. 

  I have over 30 years of experience training law enforcement professionals as well as leading men's Bible studies, and ministering to men in small group settings and one on one. I am a member of the Crisis Care Ministry at church. I am also a graduate and small group facilitator for Maximized Manhood, a men's discipleship program of the Christian Men's Network. God led me to begin Freedom For Men, a men's pornography ministry. How did I become a leader of a porn ministry? Here is my story.
 Child abuse, drug addiction, alcoholism, cutting, mental illness, a child with special needs, multiple hospitalizations for multiple suicide attempts by multiple members of my family, estrangement from family, the receiving end of a frivolous and unwarranted lawsuit, significant injuries to my shoulder, neck, and back causing permanent nerve damage, a diagnosis of Type 2 Diabetes, Hypothyroidism, and high blood pressure, two years of never, NOT ONCE getting more than 3 hours of sleep at night, and tremendous feelings of guilt, shame, failure and anger.

 The attack by the enemy on my family as a unit, and on all of us as individuals was vicious, it was daily, and it lasted over a decade. Looking back at it now, it wasn't a virus but it spread like one. It was my own personal pandemic of evil. How did I deal with all this as a Christian, as a man, a husband, a father, and a Deputy Sheriff? The simple answer is not well. I did do a couple of things right that helped. I also did one thing wrong that led to all my mistakes and sin that caused both my family and me a lot more pain and damage.

 The main thing I did right was that while I stepped down from leading a men’s Bible study, I remained in the group which met on Thursday nights. On those nights when I was frequently drained emotionally, spiritually, and physically, when my spiritual armor had been stripped, and I felt utterly gutted, those men covered me with their armor, laying hands on me, praying for me and over my wife and daughters. I will never forget those men and their obedience to God, their empathy, gentleness, and kindness.

 The one thing that I did wrong that led to all the mistakes and sin was that while I would leave that Bible study at least somewhat refreshed, as soon as I got home, I was right back in the middle of the attack on my family and unable to stay focused on God. My home, which should have been a place of peace, comfort, and refuge, was instead a place of spiritual darkness, pain, and anguish. Instead of realizing that this was a spiritual battle and having God fight it, I thought that since it was my family, it was my battle to fight. I remember feeling as though I was swimming in a dark, stormy ocean at night with my family on my back. I was swimming as hard as I could, hoping to find land before my family and I drowned. The reality was that I knew I was already drowning, that I believed one or more of my family would die, and that I had failed as a husband and father.

 To escape the pain and shame and guilt of failure I was feeling, I turned to pornography. I had first seen a pornographic magazine when I was about ten years old, and I remember being mesmerized. Once into my early 20’s and living alone, and even after I got married, I would purchase magazines and DVDs infrequently. I always knew it was wrong but would find a way to rationalize it with, "Everyone does it" or as a , "marital aid". I could always find a way not to listen to the warnings of the Holy Spirit.
 This time though, things were different. Because of the pain and turmoil my family was in, my previously infrequent viewing became daily viewing of pornographic videos online and on cable TV. The foothold I had given the enemy all those years ago became a stronghold for him in the battle over my family. Put another way, when Satan came knocking at my door, instead of turning him away, I let him in. While in my house he stole my identity of who I am in Christ, killed my hope and joy, and tried to completely destroy and even kill my family.

After several years when most of the significant turmoil in my family had settled, I was still watching pornography. I knew I had a problem, but I was too embarrassed to admit it and ask for help. I tried to get rid of the problem with willpower. When that didn’t work, I would have thoughts of, “You’re weak,” “You’re a terrible husband and father,” or, “You don’t deserve this nice family you have.”

 I tried praying it away with the prayer, “God take this from me” and any number of variations of that prayer. But God, in His infinite wisdom, didn’t just take it from me. He knew I had work to do. I couldn’t do His part, and He wouldn’t do my part. Every time I failed after trying to pray it away, I’d hear the voice of the enemy in my thoughts, “God doesn’t love you. You’re a porn addict. You’re going to burn in hell.” In reading the Bible, my interpretation of different verses began to suffer as Satan’s voice in my thoughts grew louder. Verses that were meant to convict me condemned me. Verses of Jesus’ love didn’t apply to me; just everybody else. Eventually, I stopped reading the Bible altogether.

 My addiction continued to intensify but went in a different direction. While I often watched pornography on my iPad, it was seldom now for sexual gratification. I was watching it to see if I would get caught. As such, my viewing became more and more risky. Every time I didn't get caught I'd think things like, "You're an idiot, Rob! What are you thinking? I don't deserve this family. I hate myself." 

 This way of thinking even bled over to my professional life. Despite being recognized internationally as one of the leading experts on law enforcement vehicle development, testing and certification, training and driving policy, I saw myself only as a fraud waiting to be discovered, unworthy of any accolades.

 It all came crashing down one Saturday afternoon when I received a phone call from my wife telling me that one of our daughters had told her of my porn addiction. Both of my daughters  had known about it for a long time but had said nothing. When my eldest could no longer take the pain of my betrayal to their mother, she sat her down and told her. My wife told me that when I got home, I should pack my things and leave. 

 I got home, packed a few things, and went to a local hotel. The minute I walked into the hotel room, I dropped my bag and began to cry uncontrollably. I knew without a doubt that my marriage was over and that our daughters would have little or nothing to do with me ever again. I had thrown everything good in my life away for porn. I had once again failed miserably as a husband and father, causing tremendous pain and what I saw as irreparable damage to my family. It was the worst night of my life.

 And then Jesus showed up! Actually, at some level, I knew He was there all along, but I was finally at a place where He was all I had left. I realized that He had put a friend in my life decades before for this very moment. Brent was a few years older than me but we had grown up in the same church and played on numerous teams together in church sports leagues. Brent ran a ministry that dealt with pornography in the church. I called him and told him everything, not having any idea how he would react.
 When I was done spilling my hurt, anguish and sin out to him, there was a brief silence. It was just long enough for me to think, "Great, now I've lost my friend too."  Brent then spoke words I’ll never forget. He said, “I am so proud of you for reaching out. I want you to know that I love you, that God loves you, that it’s going to be okay and that I don’t think your marriage is over.” They were the exact words I needed to hear. I didn’t believe everything he said, but I had a small degree of hope. We ended the call with Brent praying for me and my marriage and promising to send me some materials and keep in touch often.

 After speaking to our pastor the following Monday morning, I made arrangements to begin Christian sexual addiction counseling with someone he recommended. I was out of the house for a week when my wife told me that she wanted to model marital forgiveness to our daughters. I would be allowed back under several conditions, which I agreed to. 

 While my viewing of pornography eventually went away with counseling, I still held onto the guilt and shame of having hurt my family for several years afterward. I rationalized the use of my guilt and shame as a tool to not go back to porn and hurt my family again. As it turned out, I was doing that wrong as well. God was about to take care of that.

 In 2015 we were new to a church in Brea, CA called The Cause. We were attending our first church-wide conference there, a yearly event called EQUIP. It's a three day event with powerful guest pastors and a very talented worship team.

 It was the first night of the conference and the worship team was leading 600 people jammed into the sanctuary in a new song the worship leader had written called "BRAVE". I wasn't familiar with the song but it was easy to sing. When it came to the chorus, I sang one of the verses and thought, "Wait. What did I just sing?" By the time I looked back up on the screen the verse was gone. I knew I had to pay attention for when it came around again. When it did come, I was ready to read it and sing it again, but I wasn't ready for what happened. When the verse came back on screen it read, "No more shame, Your perfect love has set me free." With the band playing and 600 people singing, the room went silent and I heard a still, small voice whisper, "Trust Me."

 My breath was sucked out of my lungs, my eyes welled up with tears and my knees buckled causing me to grab a roof support post in front of me to remain upright. When the verse was over I could once again hear the band playing and people singing.
 I began telling God all the reasons I was afraid to let go of the guilt and shame. And every time that verse in the chorus came around there was silence and, "Trust Me." This happened over and over until I could air out all my fears to Him. The last time the verse came around and the room went silent, that still, small voice said, "I can't take you where I want you to go unless you trust Me."

 Our God is a god of second chances. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." That means He makes good out of the good, the bad and the ugly for us. Psalm 30:5 says, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy will come in the morning." My tears used to be tears of anguish fear, shame, guilt and anger. But now they are tears of joy, victory and gratitude for what God has done for me and my family.

 So where did He want me to go if I trusted Him? As it turns out it was to Texas to be His hands and feet to start Freedom For Men and to let men know that there is hope and healing and a second chance for you and that it is found in Jesus.
 

To God be the glory,  

Rob